Feminism Findings in Mexico

I need to be careful with going with the flow and being chill....because sometimes I am not recognizing cultural context. This could mean being a woman to me in my society in a situation means something very different here in San Cris as i am learning... Mexico's crazy culture is so hard to figure out, because it SEEMS so similar to ours. but it really really isnt. if i was in Zimbabwe my senses would be more alert.

One thing is that friends that are girls dont exist outside sex (at least in my experience so far). Girls that are friends means a girl that is chill that you are having sex with. If she is white and blond, she is probably supplying you money. So hence, hanging out with a guy on the street means you are having sex with him and maybe giving him money. I go around with this lie until the guy believes it himself. Sadly it always occurs with the men down here. Some faster than others.


Of course this is just true of the men I have met in San Cris. Just like everywhere in the world, you cannot judge a country based on three months, and it is the same type of man I always go for! (DUH i doubt a graduate student is like this but the wandering artisan musicians on the street are)

Also men here get mad and drama -y  very easily. And when drunk they feel you are theres...even if you just met him yesterday, and even if you did not sleep with him or he is not drunk. Men claim ownership over women SOOO fast. Its soo fast I do not even realize it. or didnt. Now its crazy to see it happening. The sexism is hidden behind a mask of "caring" (you abandoned me at the club, you should be out with my friends when I am... etc) and the pressure they put on you is ridiculous. Its either you are nobody to them (unless another guy comes up) or you are theirs, doing what they think you should be. I have never experienced it. But fighting it makes me feel so strong and recognize my potential to react to this quicker and contradict it. Its a fight of my feminism and going deeper into what I believe. I never dealt with sexism like this, thus, I understand my own feminism and respect for myself, more.

 I love learning about different people, their thoughts, and i love being around non mainstream people. This experience I am learning so much from and am happy here.

 I recognize that my ability to trust is a weakness, but also a strength to meet people and have new experiences. I like the risk and value my life here soo much. I have been so happy to have this diversity in my life. True diversity. Not santa cruz hippies artisan burners, but Mexicans from different parts of their country trying to find ground in chiapas and its own separate unique culture.

Independence Day, of celebration and goodbyes.

Tonight I am taking the night off. Cintia left for her site today. I feel sad that I will not see her until November, and that is only if I make it to their site.

I am looking over my calendar trying to wrap my head around the craziness of these past weeks since I last wrote. We had our protocol paper due while I was getting over being really sick with strep throat. We had our protocol presentation to our committee which was ridiculously stressful. We had a five day field trip in the jungle which was lovely but wayyy too much time with my cohort. I had the trip I did to the beach with Charly Sam Cintia and Alex in which our tire popped at 9pm on a Sunday night in which we spent the night in nowhere ville after spending hours looking for an open tire shop on a Sunday night that had a spare that would fit our car. That was after crazy drama, which took everything out of me. We ended up getting back the night before our field trip, a day late.

We had our IRB forms to fill out, homework assignments, survey and interview questions due, buying our supplies for the field, meeting with our partner outside tuxtla at 8am (an hour and half away). We then had independence day celebrations but before that, end of school celebrations, goodbye celebrations before leaving to our sites, goodbye celebrations to San Cristobal's nightlife, meetings with committee members, thesis meetings, discussions of our methods, disagreements with friends committee and thesis members. Cintias family visited and I said by to my neighbors Charly and Sam.

In some ways these last months in San Cristobal feel like years, I feel like I have aged and grown a lot. I cannot keep the days straight and the timeline of my actions. My head is spinning like the giant spinning firework that flew off a tower during the independence day celebrations and fell near us. Friends got drunk and mad at each other, others found a side of themselves and others that they never knew existed, and then returned home at 9am, only to wake up two hours later hungover wondering what had happened. Keys and a cell phone were lost and found again. A new friend was made and quickly let go. Two random nights of drinking turned really fun. Then there was the special rooftop night of good friends telling stories, making my heart glow.

Its been a crazy three weeks. But the reality is that I love it. I love feeling so alive and present. I love that I am soo busy with being around friends having fun, learning and stressing. It is all part of this crazy life I am living.

But now, to a beautiful area in which alcohol is prohibited by the community heads and I will be busy working on my thesis and living with my thesis members.

This will be probably the hardest part of graduate school making this transition.

wish me luck