Reflecting back on these past three months, the end of partying...

 I am getting over being sick again, this time strep throat. I have never been on antibiotics so often, three times in three months, and that includes my time in Paraguay. I tried thinking about it this morning, after six days of being sick, of being down because I am unable to go out and have fun nor do school work, I realized how crazy my life has been. Three months ONLY! In some ways I have been here for a year.

I have been soo happy, soo busy and so alive these months, it must have been a year since I got here. This is why my six days of being sick felt like six years, it was six whole days of not enjoying the magic of this place, not seeing my friends and feeling that time slip away. Which it is. I have two more weekends with my friends here before I leave for my study site. One I which I am traveling so I will not be here. Losing a weekend with friends feels like a punishment. Our fun is ending and I feel it strongly.

When I come back to San Cristobal in Dec, I will not have my house, in Jan and Feb I will be living next store and will lose my palace. These facts are enough to make me sad. My three months have come to an end, and so begins the time for the real part of a masters, the thesis. I felt this stress recently since our proposal to our committee is due in three days, and recognize that well.. this is what the next six months are going to look like. SIX! The end of partying and of fun. Booooo! I cannot imagine how fast my time here is ending. Its too painful. The tourist season is also ending, which mean less stores are open, and San Cris is less alive. January and February are suppose to be very cold. Our cohort, my friends disperse starting in two weeks. Some leave Mexico in Dec, others go to different parts in Mexico. And then what for me... a JOB?

These last six days of being in bed have made my mind wander in weird directions, thinking about things that I havent in so long. The last time I felt accepted and loved and part of a community was Santa Cruz. Memories rushed to me of those crazy times. So is that it? Is undergraduate and masters the end of feeling apart of a community of fun crazy people? I need that in my life. I guess that is where friends come in, but we are scattered around the states, see each other every once in a while. There will never be that constant interaction again with friends.... thats really sad to me.

I guess the only way to feel that again is at a job. So i wonder whats more important to me, feeling I am apart of a greater good, doing something meaningful each day... or just being around friends that i work with?  Friends, community.... if I was working with my Peace Corps friends or my friends here, and was working at a meaningless job I think i would be happy. That would be more important.

But I should be looking at these last three months with a feeling of luck and happiness that I had this time at 31 to still experience youth. Before I was married with kids with responsibility and an actual job in which it really matters if I am hungover on Monday... or any day for that matter. I feel like I was lucky to take advantage of my time, and cannot regret not taking enough advantage because well... i have been sick three times in three months... i think i enjoyed my time here enough.

Ta ta San Cris night life, its been a party :0)

Cohort Revelation

 Last night at Revo up on the second floor, my friend Christian looked at my group of cohort members and said they look like hippies without their shoes on. I smiled and said that they are all hippies at heart and dont need to show it through their clothes and hair. But then I had a strong revelation, i was so proud to be a member of this cohort. It took until now to recognize that each of us made a sacrifice to come into this program, either through money or a possible more financial gaining career. The biologists felt this field was missing the human component, so instead of having graduate school paid for, they instead followed their dream, and hence ended up with a huge amount of debt. Like everyone else, those who could have kept the path toward a more "promising" future choose to go forward with their dream of wanting to help the environment and others. It took until last night to see the very essence of how similar each of us in this program are. Our backgrounds are soo different, but we all follow our heart instead of anything else in choosing this career. Looking around at my crazy friends I felt pride to talk in simple spanish of how special these people are. They left it all behind to come to Mexico, and each have a desire to look beyond themselves and into what is best for humanity.