Reflecting back on these past three months, the end of partying...

 I am getting over being sick again, this time strep throat. I have never been on antibiotics so often, three times in three months, and that includes my time in Paraguay. I tried thinking about it this morning, after six days of being sick, of being down because I am unable to go out and have fun nor do school work, I realized how crazy my life has been. Three months ONLY! In some ways I have been here for a year.

I have been soo happy, soo busy and so alive these months, it must have been a year since I got here. This is why my six days of being sick felt like six years, it was six whole days of not enjoying the magic of this place, not seeing my friends and feeling that time slip away. Which it is. I have two more weekends with my friends here before I leave for my study site. One I which I am traveling so I will not be here. Losing a weekend with friends feels like a punishment. Our fun is ending and I feel it strongly.

When I come back to San Cristobal in Dec, I will not have my house, in Jan and Feb I will be living next store and will lose my palace. These facts are enough to make me sad. My three months have come to an end, and so begins the time for the real part of a masters, the thesis. I felt this stress recently since our proposal to our committee is due in three days, and recognize that well.. this is what the next six months are going to look like. SIX! The end of partying and of fun. Booooo! I cannot imagine how fast my time here is ending. Its too painful. The tourist season is also ending, which mean less stores are open, and San Cris is less alive. January and February are suppose to be very cold. Our cohort, my friends disperse starting in two weeks. Some leave Mexico in Dec, others go to different parts in Mexico. And then what for me... a JOB?

These last six days of being in bed have made my mind wander in weird directions, thinking about things that I havent in so long. The last time I felt accepted and loved and part of a community was Santa Cruz. Memories rushed to me of those crazy times. So is that it? Is undergraduate and masters the end of feeling apart of a community of fun crazy people? I need that in my life. I guess that is where friends come in, but we are scattered around the states, see each other every once in a while. There will never be that constant interaction again with friends.... thats really sad to me.

I guess the only way to feel that again is at a job. So i wonder whats more important to me, feeling I am apart of a greater good, doing something meaningful each day... or just being around friends that i work with?  Friends, community.... if I was working with my Peace Corps friends or my friends here, and was working at a meaningless job I think i would be happy. That would be more important.

But I should be looking at these last three months with a feeling of luck and happiness that I had this time at 31 to still experience youth. Before I was married with kids with responsibility and an actual job in which it really matters if I am hungover on Monday... or any day for that matter. I feel like I was lucky to take advantage of my time, and cannot regret not taking enough advantage because well... i have been sick three times in three months... i think i enjoyed my time here enough.

Ta ta San Cris night life, its been a party :0)